The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

When someone hands you a microphone, it’s best to use it. Thanks to the University of Denver’s Center for Abuse, Prevention and Empowerment (CAPE) for inviting me to share a few remarks at their Gala last night, which benefitted the Survivor Fund. Here’s some of what I shared.

Tonight is the CAPE Gala. But do you know what else it is?

It’s also May Day.

In Europe, it’s a day rooted in centuries of tradition that marks the beginning of summer with Maypoles, greenery, and celebration.

And it’s International Worker’s Day. Around the world, a celebration of labor movements and workers.

It’s also the first day of Mental Health Awareness Month.

And it turns out, it’s the first day of the rest of our lives.

Now that last one doesn’t show up on any calendar. It’s just something my partner and I say to each other when life gets to be a little (or a lot) too much. It’s our way of reminding one another that there’s something auspicious in each day, some seed of potential, even when things are dark.

And we’ve had to say this a lot lately because life has definitely been a bit much. No matter what’s going on, though, there’s no denying: Today is definitely still the first day of the rest of our lives.

So I have got to ask: What are you going to do with this first day of the rest of your wild and precious life?

Well, I’m a clinical psychologist, which means I have lots of opinions about how to live life — evidence-based ideas even. All that evidence and strong opinions come down to one key thing: Each of us has to build a life worth living.¹

For me, building a life worth living is about getting to choose my path, and using that choice to fight for justice, to curate joy, to find something precious in each day – in a bird’s song, the golden light of an evening, the laugh at a well-timed joke.

Building a life worth living is also about making a difference by creating change with the skills and talents that are uniquely mine, uniquely me.

It turns out, each of us has unique skills and talents and we need all of those to make change, to build a more just world.

I’ve become pretty passionate about the idea that we each have a part to play in change because I think we get many unhelpful messages about what changemakers look like. We get sold images of changemakers as the natural born leaders, the people with the megaphones who lead marches on Washington, those with the loudest voices in the room.

As an introvert, I’m here to tell you, don’t believe the hype. There is room and need for each of us in change movements. In fact, we need all kinds of people with all kinds of passions and all kinds of skills if we’re to build a world where everyone has a shot at life worth living.

I mean, think about it. Right now, on International Worker’s Day, there are people out there organizing – using their unique skills and interests – so that workers can be safe from sexual harassment and violence whether they’re walking onto a film set or into a hotel room to clean it. And we’re connected to them by virtue of the fact that we’re gathered here to do something about the problem of intimate violence in our own unique, creative ways.  

And don’t forget, it’s May Day, representing centuries of celebrations for people who plant and tend fields and harvest food. Those celebrations may be ancient but they are linked to contemporary movements in which people have marched loudly, testified publicly, and tended quietly to the health and safety of workers – all sharing an aspiration to create a more just world, and bring their unique skills and talents to the work.

But we have to be real: Change is hard. Building a just world isn’t easy and it’s certainly not a straight path. It was only a month or so ago when women came forward to tell their stories of abuse and harassment by one of the most famous champions of farmworkers rights.

So it can feel sometimes like change is two steps forward and one step back. Or worse – more like one step forward and three steps back. 

And that’s why, especially on those days, we each have to remember that this is the first day of the rest of your life. And for the person next to you, it’s also the first day of the rest of their life.  

Just ask yourself: What’s possible when a bunch of people realize that they are gathered together on the first day of the rest of their lives — connected by place and purpose, all aiming to build lives worth living?

The answer is: Anything is possible.

Because suddenly we’ve got many sets of unique talents and passions and interests all connected by an awareness that we have a precious chance to build something together – something that is more than the sum of our parts.

Maybe you’re passionate about preventing abuse or supporting survivors. I’m certain that there’s someone in this room who is passionate about workers’ movements or climate change or mental health. We need their passion and energy – and they need ours. Because the solutions to the big problems of our time – from intimate violence to the mental health crisis to economic injustice – it’s all connected.

And the social movements around the world that figured this out have been able to build coalitions big enough, joyful enough, and creative enough to make change happen. To drive and inspire the one or two steps forward – and sometimes, just sometimes, to make a leap forward.

Now, I’ll tell you a little secret about myself. Behind all the academic stuff I read and write, I love fantasy novels, especially Celtic stories. So I can’t help but notice that today is also Beltane – an ancient day of magical possibilities, a day of planting, protection, and growth.

And there sure seems to be some magic at work. After all, here we are, having gathered together on what is the first day of the rest of our lives. And it turns out, tomorrow will also be the first day. What magic that each day, we get to make a new start at building a life worth living — and a more just world for someone else to live theirs in.

So, I’ve just got to ask: What are you going to do with this, the first day of the rest of your life?

***

Thank you to Rachael Williams (pictured here with me and TSS Group Team Member Betsy Serrano) and the CAPE Team, who surprised me with the Champion for Change Award after my remarks. I am honored to work with them to build a better world together.

¹ I first encountered the concept of building a life worth living when learning about Dialectical Behavior Therapy, developed by Marsha Linehan.